he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
