She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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