She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
