when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
