I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
