Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
