Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
