If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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