we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
