WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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