her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
