Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
