Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
