I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
