Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
