We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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