I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
