The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
