Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
