Sry I called you an 8
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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