its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
