I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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