To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Alive.
So much puke
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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