just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
