What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
