just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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