man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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