you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
