Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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