Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
