you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
