you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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