Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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