I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
