battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
