Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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