She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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