walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
