i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
