Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
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alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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