I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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