you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
