what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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