things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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