My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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