I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
