she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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