I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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