On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
