I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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