Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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