I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
