Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
