it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize