he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
