Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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