This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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