4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
someone threw a dead crab at me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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