so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
