I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
