she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
