i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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