quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
