You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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