HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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