Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
