I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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