hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
