We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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