yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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